Project Get A Grip - the Plan

I am at the crossroads of familiar frustration. Again. Piles of clothes, piles of paper, piles of stuff. Piles of uncorrected school work, no plan for homeschool, no plan for meals, no plan for work. Piles in my brain.

noplanplentyofpilesyadayadayada!

Is this ADHD? Is it life in the 21st century? Is it just me???

There are two directions at this crossroad. One is throw my hands up and continue the present course, mired in frustration. The other is to plant my feet and get a grip.

So begins "Project Get A Grip". It's what I say when friends ask me how I'm doing.

"What ya doin' these days?"

"Oh, you know, just trying to get a grip."

Over and over and over, I hear myself saying those words. You know it's bad when one of those friends says, "So, what's your problem?" 

Ouch

I think life in the 21st century has a lot of people struggling to keep up. ADHD compounds those problems. I also think that it's real important to keep a balanced viewpoint about it all. I tell David that ADHD is a big deal. It's tough. Yet, there are much worse things that we could be dealing with on all sorts of levels. The proper perspective is a balancing act and I try to stay on the side of optimism. I keep trying because practice makes progress. If I lose my optimism, I'll lose everything and then I'll just have to punch myself in the face! Absurd, right?

I don't know where this will go. To be honest, I'm not starting at square one with this. I've been working on things, learning strategies, brainstorming and implementing all along. However, it still hasn't come together to meet my satisfaction. It's all about those dang piles! This project is about bringing all the strands together to create a lifeline. I'm not looking for perfection. I AM looking to not lose the dang keys all the time!

Anyway! The project will begin with this: The Master Pile

Cheers,

leapinlily

ADDclasses.com

Some time ago, I stumbled onto this website and found it to be immensely helpful in our continuing quest to treat and manage ADHD. ADDClasses.com offers virtual support and continuing education in the field of Attention Deficit Disorder. The teleseminars are free for a period of time (registration is required) and also for a period of time, you can download the mp3 recordings of the seminar for a nominal fee. Not only can I store it on my computer for future reference, but I can burn a CD so that my husband can use his workday commute to keep up with the information and direction that David and I are trying to incorporate in our homeschool and our daily lives. A huge thumbs up for this one!

I recently listened to a teleseminar hosted by ADDClasses.com and the guest speaker was Laurie Dupar of Coaching for ADHD. Her topic was "The Top Three 

ADD/ADHD Medication Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them." Not only did she offer a wealth of information about medications, she also offered a couple of tools to the seminar participants. One is a list of key questions to ask the prescribing doctor for ADD/ADHD medications. The other is a medication log to assess the effectiveness of a change in medication. Since we are in a medication evaluation mode right now, these tools will be invaluable!

I thought I would pass this along. Hope you find it helpful :)


Cheers,

leapinlily

Can $3 equal instant gratification?

I have long observed that MY money burns a hole in David's pocket.

David wants a BMX bike that cost $350. What kid wouldn't, eh? But, really, $350!? I'm mystified by the seeming lack of obstruction to obtaining the bike raised in David's mind by the price tag on said bike.

Oh! and he wants an iPod. Me thinks that iPods require a data plan of some sort. I don't really know because I have a cell phone that is just a cell phone. The contract was paid in full a year ago. We did not upgrade and sign a new contract. Also, I have an Mp3 player that I bought from a company in China. Seriously, the confirmation email from the seller had Chinese characters in the subject line. It's a little 8G do-da that doesn't have a screen and doesn't have a menu and I paid about $40 for it. I don't know anything about iPods.

Except, that David wants one. And, a BMX. And, a laptop. And...

I have long struggled with the dilemma of allowance, chores and how to put it all together. These are the choices that I've come up with:

1. Give the kid what he wants, when he wants it. As long as he keeps his grades up and stays out of trouble, he gets what he wants. I can see the merit in this.
2. Give the kid an allowance because he needs to learn how to manage money and make him do chores because he is a part of the household. One is not tied to the other. I can see the merit in this, as well.
3. Make the kid earn every penny he gets and spends. More merit.

I have tried 1 and 2. Didn't work. With number 1, since he's homeschooled, the requirements are entirely subjective and entirely up to me. Just doesn't work the same as if he were in school and will ultimately end up being one more fight. With number 2, he got the money and didn't do the work. Yup, another fight. So, we're going to try number 3. Here's how it's going to work:

1. He is now responsible for every last thing that he wants. Every pack of gum, every quarter for those blasted gumball dispensers that you see at every blasted door of every blasted retail establishment that you ever walk into... (ok, I'm ok...) every music download, BMX, iPods, you name it. If it's not necessary for life or his education and he wants it, he buys it.
2. He will have an opportunity to earn money at home. Each job will have a price that I will pay and he will get paid immediately upon completion of the job. He can earn $3 for doing the dishes. He only needs to do this another 115 times and he'll have his BMX.
3. If he chooses not to take any jobs and earn any money, he will forever hold his peace if he wants something and doesn't have the money to buy it.
4. If he chooses not to take any jobs and Mom has to do it all, there will be consequences. I'm not sure what they will be but I am absolutely convinced that there is just not enough of me to go around these days and someone besides me just might have to suffer.

There are jobs that don't get paid. Things like picking up after himself, taking care of his clean and dirty clothes and mowing the yard so Dad doesn't have to do it after working 50 hours last week.

Harsh? Maybe.

Unloving? No.

David needs to learn to work. He needs to control his desire for instant gratification. Don't we all need to learn these things? The ADHD person will face even bigger challenges in these areas because of difficulties with impulsivity and self regulation. He can knock his head against those walls within the confines of his family. We love him, we support him and we will not let him down. And, because of that, we will not coddle him anymore.

That's true love.

That's better than a BMX.

I'll keep you posted and let you know if he actually lives through this.


Cheers,

leapinlily

Training the New Cook!

I am a don't wannabe cook. I don't even care that much about eating, although the size of my jeans would belie that comment. If someone would cook all the food that could be eaten in this family, I would gladly do the dishes. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT!? I already do the dishes. Hmmmm....

So, David likes to bake. We found this recipe on another blog and David made it this morning.

After all the mixing, it needs to be rolled out. David really likes using the rolling pin and this is much easier than pizza crust.

(ahem, I did not see "the" kitchen table in the background... I have officially declared it the thorn in my flesh...)

Routine (part 1): the Conundrum

Do you have a routine? Is is productive? Don't be misled. Chaos can be routine.

Routine - 1. a regular, more or less unvarying procedure, customary, prescribed or habitual, as of business or of daily life.*

Conundrum - 1. a riddle whose answer contains a pun (Example: what's the difference between a jeweler and a jailor? One sells watches and the other watches cells.) 2. any puzzling problem or question - SYN. see MYSTERY*

This is a visual of the direction my routine takes me>>>

I have ALWAYS struggled with routine. I now have a vantage point of perspective that numbers into decades. For half my life I've attributed my difficulties in finishing what I start and maintaining routines to a lack of discipline. What I know now is that I have ADD. When I was a kid, I had ADHD. Fortunately for me and every boss I ever had, I outgrew the H part.  

In my efforts to homeschool my ADHD son, the struggle to create and sustain routine continues to be an enigma - 2. a perplexing, baffling, or seemingly inexplicable matter, person, etc. - SYN. see MYSTERY*

There's that MYSTERY word again. See what I'm dealing with here!?

I have attempted to demystify the whole routine thing with tools like planners, white boards, checklists, etc., etc., etc. However, no matter what I do, we end up right back where we started. The routine is on the floor and we're just floating... again.... just floating... like the feather in Forest Gump... taken where the wind would float it.... float... float... floating...

Today, David and I had a conversation about routine. Like, where in the heck is it? I'll blame Michigan February (NOT a lame excuse, thank you very much) and a recent round of bad dentistry that left me vicodining on the sofa. However, all excuses, lame or otherwise, do not change this fact: ADHD people will have serious problems in getting anything worthwhile or necessary for life done without a routine.

So, now what? We decide that there doesn't have to be a conundrum about routine for us. We know what the problem is and we know that it is not likely to change. I've been alive for over 50 years now and I've not conquered it. My routine will fall apart on a regular basis. Period. That shouldn't stop me from getting back to it. This is what I need to teach David. Instead of getting discouraged, we should get used to it. Recognize when it lags and don't wait too long to get back to it. Back to the tools. Back to the plan. Back to the mindset. Get back to work.

I'm off to update my planner. You should see my new planner. It's a beaut and I think it will work. Sometimes.

To be continued...

Cheers,

leapinlily

* Webster's New World Dictionary - Simon and Schuster

Earth From Above

Does your homeschool have a whopping case of cabin fever going on? Mine sure does. Well, get out of the cabin without leaving home and venture on a world tour of some very remarkable photography taken from a vantage point that few of us ever attain. This is a collection of aerial photography produced by Yann Arthus-Bertrand.

Earth From Above

It captured our respective ADHD attentions for quite some time :)

I've added the link to the Photography section on the right column of this page.

 

Enjoy!

leapinlily

World Math Day - March 1

Thought I would post this for all you homeschoolers out there. This is a global event. I cut the following paragraph from the About page of the web site:

Students play at home and at school against other students around the world in live games of mental arithmetic. Each game lasts for 60 seconds and students can play up to 100 games, earning points for their personal tally. Students can play beyond 100 games during the event, but points will only count to the World Maths Day Mathometer, not their personal point score. The students who answer the most questions correctly will appear on the Hall of Fame. There are 5 levels of play, 20 games on each level.

Once registered, your child/children can begin practicing right now. David was practicing last night with students from Australia and Portugal, which he thought was awesomely cool!

World Math Day

Best regards,

leapinlily

Progress...

That! is my kitchen table. Those people are David and the other children that make up our Tuesday School. They are working on a unit study on Zombie Fire Ants that I acquired from The Old Schoolhouse Store. This is progress...

What Works For One

This morning it occurred to me that my last post about unschooling might indicate a disdain for the more typical homeschool format involving structure and curriculum. For any that might be reading this blog and might think that is how I feel about home school as most of us know it, I would like to set the record straight.

My personal vantage point on children, school and life in general includes 4 children, 5 step children (only one legally at this time and forever more), a family home daycare, public school, homeschool, more than one marriage and a variety of disorders. I've been on both sides of a couple of fences and I've known a lot of children who were growing and learning in a variety of circumstances. Mine has not been a singular kind of experience. However, I will only speak of the children that I grew.

Unschooling?

There's an idea brewing in my head. As I look over the journal that is my blog, I find a recurring theme of frustration and burnout. What has not been mentioned is the boredom that David is experiencing. What I have been doing with my school is not working any better than the public school that David left. Not only have I not lit a fire, I have not even been filling the bucket! (see my mission statement) I have been very busy these last few days devising a new plan. In the past our plan has been mapped out in a planner with a task list for each day. The new plan includes time frames, in half hour increments, for each subject matter. This is my plan to get the work done. Oh my... really??

Routine and structure are the enigmas of our life. It doesn't come naturally for us. I keep thinking that it is the way that we will accomplish what needs to be done but it just doesn't happen. It never has for me. Ever.

So, what if? What if we tried unschooling? What if Dad and I supported anything that David was interested in learning?

What if we actually asked him what he would like to learn?

What if the tv stayed off and video games were relegated to weekends? Now, mind you, there is a real issue with the tv staying off. I, for one, happen to like it on. I'm a listener. I work while it's on. David, on the other hand, is watcher. He cannot have the tv on and do something else at the same time – not even toast a bagel. Tv on = burned bagel. Turning off the tv is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt him but it will save the bagels.

I digress. What if the tv stayed off and video games were relegated to the weekends? I think, with time (only a little time, not a lot), that things would start to change. For both of us.

David worked for and finally purchased a Lego Mindstorm NXT robot kit. What if he was allowed TIME to completely investigate the NXT? What if he finished the story that he started writing six months ago and I helped him illustrate it and bind it into a real book? What if we listened to an audio book? What if he cooked at least once a week? What if he made an chef's apron to wear while he cooked our meal? What if we watched Planet Earth and other documentaries on DVD? What if we did a unit study with another home school family? What if we tossed the books for the next five months and really dived into hands on learning?

What if we learned and stayed sane and had fun - all at the same time?

I think I might be on to something...

Cheers,

leapinlily

Burnout Blues

Is it really true that only eight short weeks ago that I was filled with zeal and optimism for our home school year? All I can now say is that the bucket is empty and the fire is cold. A great curriculum is dead in the water with the exception of anything that doesn't involve me. I've gained more weight and David is still only halfway through the math course that we started last year. I'm tired, intensely irritable and ready to chase down the school bus.

I would so like to have a funny commentary about this situation. I tend to be a make the best of it sort of girl, cracking little jokes and spouting little witty quips. Really I am!

Yet, I can't one-liner myself out of this. I try to come up with a new plan (remember me? the plan your work and work your plan girl?) Solomon had me pegged when he said there's nothing new under the sun. My best plan has already been made. I just can't work it! I can't even bite the heads of Barbies. There are no Barbies in this house!

For weeks I've wallowed in this malaise, blaming it on this and that and the other thing. But, it's not this and that and the other thing.

It's me...

With the last of my energy and concern I google 'dealing with home school burnout' and come up with 82,400 results. I'm relieved to know that nearly 100% of home school parents experience burnout at least once in their home school career. And, yet, it's not home school that is burning me out. It's ADHD. His, and mine.

I can't know for sure if I would feel this way without ADD as a huge, profound factor. It is, in fact, the core issue of everything about our lives, good and bad. I think that I can assume that I would experience burnout without ADD as every commentary that I read about burnout doesn't say one blasted thing about ADD. And, right now, I would so like to have something hugely profound to say about that. But, there is nothing, nothing!! but irritation... frustration... and a desire to eat the entire plate of chocolate chunk cookies that David baked this afternoon. Maybe I should widen my vision to grasp that baking cookies can be just as important as math. As a matter of fact, I'm sure that Albert Einstein discovered the theory of relativity after eating chocolate chunk cookies.

Today I read several articles on home school burnout, while feasting on David's chocolate chunck cookies. Should I ever tackle the theory of relativity, I'll need more than cookies. I would synopsize what I've read except that I can't type and eat cookies at the same time so click here for a good one.

If all else fails and there are no Barbies, there's always DeNae.

To be continued...

Cheers,

leapinlily

We're Baaack!!!

It has been six months since the last post. In the very first post of this blog, I spoke of the blog becoming another unfinished pile in my ADD life of piles. Yep. But, that's the beauty of a blog. Who is it for anyway? Why, the blog is for the blogger and that would be me. If the blogger gets bloggees (which rhymes with devotees and groupies), that's super! Hey, I have a bloggee! That would be my husband! It's all good!

This blog is about homeschooling an ADHD boy. More to the point, it's about an ADD mom homeschooling an ADHD boy. The good Lord help us. We got a late start because of a long September camping trip with a group of good friends. I am able to justify that one by reminding myself that teachers in the public schools take about that long to get their groove on, if not longer. The great thing about this year for us is that we have been fumbling and bumbling through this long enough to be just about ready to get our groove on as never before.

We sat down yesterday and fleshed out our schedule and our curriculum. Of course, I had done a lot of thinking about all of this prior to yesterday but I find that a good schedule requires some nitty gritty logistics and involving David in the process is imperative. We scheduled the week by day, assigned time values to each subject, worked in a nice lunch/recess break and determined policy about homework and snow days. Things that we have worked out in the past - the check list and our now familiar planners - moved right into place and are functional and operational instantaneously.

The curriculum is as follows:

• Bible studies and service
• Saxon math
• Hope College homeschool physics - 2 semesters
• Winston Grammar
• Piano lessons
• Penmanship - learn cursive to take better notes
• World History all year as a unit study
• Literature - The Yearling, poetry and journaling
• Independent reading
• Gymnastics and trampoline as a carrot for successful checklist completion
• Life skills ie. chores
• Electives - cooking and organizing our personal library, for starters
• Member of the local rock club

It's a fabulous plan! I will have him tested about halfway through the school year. At this point, I feel more relaxed and confident about what we're doing than I ever have. We've planned our work (ADHDers are great at planning) and now we just have to work our plan (ADHDers are great at blowing off the plan). The good Lord help us...

Cheers,

leapinlily

Cabin Fever

I can't believe it's only been seven days since my perky little post about today's gonna be a good day hooha...

No inspiration. No motivation. Not one thought to string to another. Oh man! it's February. My father always said that February is the longest month of the year. Amen...and can I just go back under my blanket and watch another movie now? I'm busting my brains trying to motivate David and it becomes very clear that I can't even motivate myself. It's not him. It's not me. It's not an uninspired curriculum. My curriculum is exceptionally inspired, thank you very much. It's not ADD. It's not the economy, global warming or my 20 pound weight gain crashing head on into middle age (UGH). IT'S FEBRUARY. Living in the Winter Wonder Why I'm Here Land gets terminally tedious about this time of year. Sometimes there's not one thing to do but to just hang on and wait until it's over. Don't second guess the plan. Don't force the plan. Don't blame anything and, especially, don't blame anyone. It's February. February is loooooooong. Just hang on...this, too, shall pass...(going back under my blanket now............mmmm, nice and warm...call me when it's April...call me when the Black Eyed Peas get to town........and, uh, if you're looking for Otis?...he's with me...purring an 18 going on 20 pound purr...

Today's Gonna Be a Good Day

It's Monday. I like Mondays. TGIM, right? Weekends can be kind of dicey around here as all of the disorders come together and rub each other the wrong way. Dad is disordered, son is disordered and I'm the monkey in the middle. Even the cat is disordered. He's over grooming himself. He's yanking the fur out of his big belly with his teeth! The vet says he either has a flea allergy or he's stressed. It's not fleas. The cat needs xanax. Maybe that's where my little stash has gone to, eh? So, when we get back to the routine of the week, ahem...the possibility of the routine for the week, I'm relieved. I'm hopeful. The possibilities are, well, possible!

What's In a Name?

It took some work to find an appropriate name for the blog. I wanted to strike a balance between truth and humor, reality and hope. The Sane Asylum, Finding Level Ground, School and Home, and The Absurd Life were all taken. Futility Defeated, Sidestepping Sanity, Launching Logic and Sisyphus Redeemed (more on Sisyphus later) were all possibilities but lacked, hmmm, some sort of necessary inanity. Truth is, if there's no humor, there's no hope.

The New World Dictionary defines wit as mental faculties with respect to their state of balance, esp. in their normal condition of sanity. Huh? As a newly determined ADD woman who is working to home school her ADHD son, balance and sanity are always in view and always out of reach. I know what balance looks like. I don't know what it feels like and I certainly don't know how to choreograph it. Does sanity exist without balance? Not in my experience. The dictionary goes on to articulate 'at one's wits' end' - a point where one's mental resources are exhausted; at a loss as to what to do. Then there's 'to keep one's wits about one' which is to remain mentally alert. Okay, doing well on both of them simultaneously. I'm entirely alert to the fact that I am at a loss as to what to do. I am an ADD woman who is trying to help her ADHD son cope with his disorder. It is, in fact, a case of the blind leading the blind.

Therefore, Beyond Wits' End is a most appropriate name for this blog. The purpose of the blog is to have one place to keep account of our successes and failures, our goals and challenges of living, loving and learning within the confines of our disorders. The blog will replace the notebooks and bookmarks I've accumulated in my quest for knowledge about our disorders and centrally locate the sources of my research. I can construct the concepts into concrete collections of words that will help to define and direct my efforts into something useful.... Did I really say that? In other words, maybe I can gather my wits and make some sense of it all. If all else fails, it is a creative venture that I can call my own. And, it won't leave a pile of materials sitting in a corner if it becomes another undone project in my long list of undones. I'm chock full of ideas but out of words so I will close on this note: there is life beyond wits' end... Good night!