Unschooling?

There's an idea brewing in my head. As I look over the journal that is my blog, I find a recurring theme of frustration and burnout. What has not been mentioned is the boredom that David is experiencing. What I have been doing with my school is not working any better than the public school that David left. Not only have I not lit a fire, I have not even been filling the bucket! (see my mission statement) I have been very busy these last few days devising a new plan. In the past our plan has been mapped out in a planner with a task list for each day. The new plan includes time frames, in half hour increments, for each subject matter. This is my plan to get the work done. Oh my... really??

Routine and structure are the enigmas of our life. It doesn't come naturally for us. I keep thinking that it is the way that we will accomplish what needs to be done but it just doesn't happen. It never has for me. Ever.

So, what if? What if we tried unschooling? What if Dad and I supported anything that David was interested in learning?

What if we actually asked him what he would like to learn?

What if the tv stayed off and video games were relegated to weekends? Now, mind you, there is a real issue with the tv staying off. I, for one, happen to like it on. I'm a listener. I work while it's on. David, on the other hand, is watcher. He cannot have the tv on and do something else at the same time – not even toast a bagel. Tv on = burned bagel. Turning off the tv is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt him but it will save the bagels.

I digress. What if the tv stayed off and video games were relegated to the weekends? I think, with time (only a little time, not a lot), that things would start to change. For both of us.

David worked for and finally purchased a Lego Mindstorm NXT robot kit. What if he was allowed TIME to completely investigate the NXT? What if he finished the story that he started writing six months ago and I helped him illustrate it and bind it into a real book? What if we listened to an audio book? What if he cooked at least once a week? What if he made an chef's apron to wear while he cooked our meal? What if we watched Planet Earth and other documentaries on DVD? What if we did a unit study with another home school family? What if we tossed the books for the next five months and really dived into hands on learning?

What if we learned and stayed sane and had fun - all at the same time?

I think I might be on to something...

Cheers,

leapinlily

Burnout Blues

Is it really true that only eight short weeks ago that I was filled with zeal and optimism for our home school year? All I can now say is that the bucket is empty and the fire is cold. A great curriculum is dead in the water with the exception of anything that doesn't involve me. I've gained more weight and David is still only halfway through the math course that we started last year. I'm tired, intensely irritable and ready to chase down the school bus.

I would so like to have a funny commentary about this situation. I tend to be a make the best of it sort of girl, cracking little jokes and spouting little witty quips. Really I am!

Yet, I can't one-liner myself out of this. I try to come up with a new plan (remember me? the plan your work and work your plan girl?) Solomon had me pegged when he said there's nothing new under the sun. My best plan has already been made. I just can't work it! I can't even bite the heads of Barbies. There are no Barbies in this house!

For weeks I've wallowed in this malaise, blaming it on this and that and the other thing. But, it's not this and that and the other thing.

It's me...

With the last of my energy and concern I google 'dealing with home school burnout' and come up with 82,400 results. I'm relieved to know that nearly 100% of home school parents experience burnout at least once in their home school career. And, yet, it's not home school that is burning me out. It's ADHD. His, and mine.

I can't know for sure if I would feel this way without ADD as a huge, profound factor. It is, in fact, the core issue of everything about our lives, good and bad. I think that I can assume that I would experience burnout without ADD as every commentary that I read about burnout doesn't say one blasted thing about ADD. And, right now, I would so like to have something hugely profound to say about that. But, there is nothing, nothing!! but irritation... frustration... and a desire to eat the entire plate of chocolate chunk cookies that David baked this afternoon. Maybe I should widen my vision to grasp that baking cookies can be just as important as math. As a matter of fact, I'm sure that Albert Einstein discovered the theory of relativity after eating chocolate chunk cookies.

Today I read several articles on home school burnout, while feasting on David's chocolate chunck cookies. Should I ever tackle the theory of relativity, I'll need more than cookies. I would synopsize what I've read except that I can't type and eat cookies at the same time so click here for a good one.

If all else fails and there are no Barbies, there's always DeNae.

To be continued...

Cheers,

leapinlily

Grand Rapids Got Talent!

Art Prize 2010 has been one of the best things to happen to Western Michigan in a long time. It was good news and good times in the midst of a state that has held the dubious honor of being at the top of the list for unemployment in the United States. Grand Rapids is the second largest city in the state and I have the pleasure of living a mere 20 minutes from its heart.

Mother Knows Best

They are the professionals but you are the expert.

About eight months ago, I wrote a post about changing David's medication. This is an update to that post. At that time, we were switching David to Methylin ER, a generic six-hour medication that was to deliver a level, longer acting effect and reduce the occurrence of rebound. It did, in fact, deliver a level, longer acting effect and reduced the occurrence of rebound. It was cheap and always in stock. It also produced a deleterious side effect that quickly escalated to alarming.

David began to have movement issues. I don't know how to describe it. He called it shifty. "I feel shifty," he would say. While seated he would half stand up and down, not just once or twice but over and over. To look at him, one would think his tail bone was itching and he was using the chair back to scratch it. While trying to settle down for sleep in his bed, his legs would move and move and move. He could not lie still.

I have a friend with a son who was treated for ADHD and ended up with Tourettes Syndrome as a result of medication. My cause for concern was huge. I researched Tourettes, Restless Leg Syndrome and tics. The shifty symptom had presented itself with the introduction of the Methylin ER. However, the picture was complicated by the fact that we had increased his dose of Paxil and Trazodone at the same time. It was extremely difficult to determine which factor might be responsible for the new side effect.

During the course of my Internet research, I came across a forum of ADHD medication users. The discussion centered on the difference between generic and brand Ritlin. For the most part, this group of people espoused the superiority of the brand Ritalin over the generic, with the brand delivering a much "cleaner" effect than the generic.

Highly intrigued, I took the question to the psychiatrist that is prescribing David's meds. The doctor said that there is no difference between the brand and the generic except the price. The active ingredient is the same. Next, I took the question to the pharmacist that dispenses David's meds. The pharmacist said that there is no difference between the two except the price. The active ingredient is the same. The question was now changing to who do I believe, the professionals or the people who actually use the medication?

The prescribing doctor and I kept David on the Methylin ER for another month. In the meantime, we also saw David's therapist and I posed the generic vs. brand question to her. Her response was immediate and sincere.

"Oh, yes, there is a big difference."

"You know this because of people that you personally know are using it?" I asked.

"Yes."

The next question was for David himself. I asked him that if he had to choose, would he choose shiftiness or rebound. His response was immediate.

Rebound

That was it for me. I decided that we had nothing to lose by making a change. At this point, the doc was suggesting yet another medication to treat the restless leg syndrome. I was determined that David was not going to take on a fourth medication, especially to treat a side effect! I put all my research together and formulated the plan.

First, he would switch to brand Ritalin in the dose that I had determined would be a pill splitting dose as so manu of the people on the forum people talked about this factor. We would go back to designer dosing and only use the short-acting brand Ritalin when he needed it, which is usually only mornings. Second, he would take the Paxil at night instead of the morning and we would dump the Trazodone all together.

Two meds, not four!

Within a month, the shiftiness had greatly diminished. I am happy to report that it is now completely gone. He is sleeping through the night without the Trazodone. David is less medicated and his situation is much improved.

Win-win

Years ago, my oldest daughter's speech development was delayed because of chronic ear infections. Initial testing determined a delay but not enough of one to qualify her for a speech therapist. Six months later, I sensed that she was going backwards in her speech development. I again asked for testing and she qualified for services. The speech therapist said this at our first appointment - "We are the professionals but you are the expert." I never forgot it.

We, the people, patients and parents, ultimately bear the final responsibility for our health and well being. Not the doctors. The doctor/patient relationship is a partnership and the balance of power belongs to the patient (and his parents.) The doctor is the employee and I am the employer. The doctor is the professional and I am the expert. The doctor can only do so much and the patient (and his parents) must do their part. Ulitimately, there is more to treatment than medication. But, that is for another post.

Cheers,

leapinlily

We're Baaack!!!

It has been six months since the last post. In the very first post of this blog, I spoke of the blog becoming another unfinished pile in my ADD life of piles. Yep. But, that's the beauty of a blog. Who is it for anyway? Why, the blog is for the blogger and that would be me. If the blogger gets bloggees (which rhymes with devotees and groupies), that's super! Hey, I have a bloggee! That would be my husband! It's all good!

This blog is about homeschooling an ADHD boy. More to the point, it's about an ADD mom homeschooling an ADHD boy. The good Lord help us. We got a late start because of a long September camping trip with a group of good friends. I am able to justify that one by reminding myself that teachers in the public schools take about that long to get their groove on, if not longer. The great thing about this year for us is that we have been fumbling and bumbling through this long enough to be just about ready to get our groove on as never before.

We sat down yesterday and fleshed out our schedule and our curriculum. Of course, I had done a lot of thinking about all of this prior to yesterday but I find that a good schedule requires some nitty gritty logistics and involving David in the process is imperative. We scheduled the week by day, assigned time values to each subject, worked in a nice lunch/recess break and determined policy about homework and snow days. Things that we have worked out in the past - the check list and our now familiar planners - moved right into place and are functional and operational instantaneously.

The curriculum is as follows:

• Bible studies and service
• Saxon math
• Hope College homeschool physics - 2 semesters
• Winston Grammar
• Piano lessons
• Penmanship - learn cursive to take better notes
• World History all year as a unit study
• Literature - The Yearling, poetry and journaling
• Independent reading
• Gymnastics and trampoline as a carrot for successful checklist completion
• Life skills ie. chores
• Electives - cooking and organizing our personal library, for starters
• Member of the local rock club

It's a fabulous plan! I will have him tested about halfway through the school year. At this point, I feel more relaxed and confident about what we're doing than I ever have. We've planned our work (ADHDers are great at planning) and now we just have to work our plan (ADHDers are great at blowing off the plan). The good Lord help us...

Cheers,

leapinlily

PS to Monday's Post

David expressed his profound and sincere gratitude more than several times for the way we handled the medication mix-up. He went to bed early and is now getting a good night's sleep :)

Medication Mix-up

Don't make a bad situation worse.

It's Monday morning. David is in bed and will most likely be there for a while. We had a big mix up last night. We are certain that he took a dose of methylin (a long acting stimulant medication for ADHD) when he should have taken trazodone (sleep and anxiety medication). He was already in bed when he became very disoriented and confused. While the methylin doesn't have this sort of effect on him during the day, I witnessed a wild-eyed agitation that could not be the result of trazodone. In the kitchen, I found the methylin bottle sitting apart from the rest. I counted the pills and it came up short - by one. How could this have happened? Well, for one thing, the two medications look alike - round, white pills of a nearly identical size. They come in the same size and color container from the same pharmacy. While I always check the label to make sure that I am getting the right one, David just grabbed one, opened it up, saw that it looked like the right one, and swallowed it down. The methylin is a new medication for his ADHD and looks different than the previous one. This would not have happened with the old medication.

So, there we were! We had stayed up to watch the closing ceremonies of the Olympics. He had spent a good portion of that time playing a demo of a game that we vetoed because of it's questionable imagery. He was on the computer doing one thing or another until bedtime, a practice that stirs up his brain instead of calming it down. And, finally, he took the stimulant medication instead of the sleep one. End result? David is going to be up all night. And, probably, so will I.

I struggled to keep my own composure because, quite frankly, I was angry. I was angry that my own sleep was now going to be compromised. David's anxiety can be overwhelming for him. He's phobic, with scary sights and sounds being the core component of his phobia. So, I was angry that I didn't monitor what he doing on the computer and angry that he didn't monitor himself. I was angry that he didn't stop for one second and make sure of what he was doing with the medication. Mostly I was tired at the end of a long weekend and frustrated by the impending situation.

My first challenge was to decide what to do with myself. I could not allow my feelings about this situation overwhelm me and then propel me to make a bad situation worse. How could I make it worse? By making my feelings and my frustration the focus of the situation. By hammering on David for making such a stupid mistake. By letting him take full responsibility for the sleepless night I was about have. By leaving him to deal with the consequences of his actions while I go on my way to get my sleep. The possibilities for self centered thinking were nearly endless.

Truth is, David was not responsible for the mistake. ADHD is a disorder of brain function. The main components of the disorder are distractability, impulsiveness and the inability to attend. He does not choose to operate the way he does and the grief and frustration that he feels over the manifestations his disorder are profound. No good will come out of making him responsible for things that are simply out of his control.

After a moment of silence, a deep breath, and a long, hard look at the suffering child in front of me, I sideline my own feelings and fatigue and start to think win-win. I set up David on the living room couch with the tv remote. He can watch the rerun of the closing ceremonies. I get Otis to keep him company. I gently quiet him as he makes his 50th apology for being such a bone head and tell him not to worry. It was a mistake anyone could have made if they were not reading labels and we would initial the caps of his medicine bottles so he wouldn't make the mistake again. I reassure him that I am in the next room if he needs me. He becomes calm and I begin to turn my attention to getting some badly needed sleep.

Win-win thinking entails beginning with the end in mind. In the end, I want to get some sleep (David may not be able to until the meds wear off). I want a strategy to ensure that no medication mix up occurs again. Mostly I want David's self esteem to incur no further damage in this situation. ADHD is a killer of self esteem. I am his coach. My job is to find the errors of execution and figure out ways to fix them. If they can't be fixed, then I figure out how to get around them. Effective coaches build up, not tear down. As his mom, teacher, coach and one who loves him with all of her heart, my first responsibility is to do no harm. Dr. Laura Markham expressed this concept in heartwarming detail in her article Stop, Drop and Listen.

It is morning. I got my sleep and am now enjoying some some quiet time to myself while David gets his sleep. He will not wake up and remember that I was angry. He will remember that we solved the problem.

Win-win.

Best regards,

leapinlily

Hyperfocus Strikes Again

Old house on Quincy Street

Just playing with my new used digital SLR. Learning curves that excite me tend to consume me so I have to beware lest the boy stay a sixth grader for the rest of his life...

ADHD Banana Bread

I know people who possess amazing prowess in the kitchen. My appreciative comment to them is that if they cook, I'll do the the dishes.

Cabin Fever

I can't believe it's only been seven days since my perky little post about today's gonna be a good day hooha...

No inspiration. No motivation. Not one thought to string to another. Oh man! it's February. My father always said that February is the longest month of the year. Amen...and can I just go back under my blanket and watch another movie now? I'm busting my brains trying to motivate David and it becomes very clear that I can't even motivate myself. It's not him. It's not me. It's not an uninspired curriculum. My curriculum is exceptionally inspired, thank you very much. It's not ADD. It's not the economy, global warming or my 20 pound weight gain crashing head on into middle age (UGH). IT'S FEBRUARY. Living in the Winter Wonder Why I'm Here Land gets terminally tedious about this time of year. Sometimes there's not one thing to do but to just hang on and wait until it's over. Don't second guess the plan. Don't force the plan. Don't blame anything and, especially, don't blame anyone. It's February. February is loooooooong. Just hang on...this, too, shall pass...(going back under my blanket now............mmmm, nice and warm...call me when it's April...call me when the Black Eyed Peas get to town........and, uh, if you're looking for Otis?...he's with me...purring an 18 going on 20 pound purr...

Today's Gonna Be a Good Day

It's Monday. I like Mondays. TGIM, right? Weekends can be kind of dicey around here as all of the disorders come together and rub each other the wrong way. Dad is disordered, son is disordered and I'm the monkey in the middle. Even the cat is disordered. He's over grooming himself. He's yanking the fur out of his big belly with his teeth! The vet says he either has a flea allergy or he's stressed. It's not fleas. The cat needs xanax. Maybe that's where my little stash has gone to, eh? So, when we get back to the routine of the week, ahem...the possibility of the routine for the week, I'm relieved. I'm hopeful. The possibilities are, well, possible!

Otis, the Witful One...

It's time for a few formal introductions. I shall begin with our Otis. He is the family menagerie and the love of our lives. He looks like a cat, acts like a dog and eats like a pig! This picture is several years old and, at the time, his BMI was probably in the overweight range. Since the love of his life is food, he has now been declared obese by our vet. We are going to attempt to help him lose a few pounds and it may not be pretty. He can be a real pest when he wants something like, uh, food, and not much can dissuade him. Especially when he weighs nearly 18 pounds (must be that food thingy.)

The other thing about Otis is that he loves to sleep with people. Not being content with the end of the bed, he most prefers to be snuggled up under the left arm. Mainly my left arm. Being 18 pounds, he is of serious consequence when trying to sleep. If I am sleeping on my right side, he paws at the back of my head until I roll over. He settles into my armpit and then does his happy paws in my neck - 18 pound happy paws on my neck and chin - and purring an 18 pound purr in my face with 18 pound whiskers sticking in my nose. There is no way to get any sleep. If I banish him from the snuggle zone, he goes down as far as my knees and lays right on top of them. Which is fine. Until I want to move. When I start to move, the behemoth does not move. I'm moving my legs and he's like a sack of potatoes, getting shifted and jostled around and never moving one muscle to work with the situation, except, of course, his 18 pound cat larynx muscles to whine.

But, just look at him. He's a handsome fellow and about as laid back as any feline I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Good thing. Someone in this house has to keep their wits about them...

Cheers,

leapinlily

Medication Changes

It was several years ago when we decided to consider medication for David's ADHD. Most parents don't want their child on medication and we were no exception. However, something that his first grade teacher said during one of our conversations about his probable ADHD hit a nerve. She made reference to medication giving David relief. That comment brought it home that this was not about the frustration with the constant disruption that the disorder brings to the family and the classroom. It was about David. The word relief crystallized the realization that the disorder caused the most frustration and disruption to the life of the disordered person and all others were secondary. Dad and I relinquished our position and moved forward with medication. There is victory in surrender.

Passwords, Keys and Phone Numbers

Applying the 80/20 rule to familiar frustration.

It has been nine days since I created this blog and published my one and only post. I had an idea for a new post and with words and concepts swirling in my head I eagerly approached my computer. I pulled up the blog, clicked the sign in button and realized that I could not remember my user ID or password. Neither had I written them down. I write down user IDs and passwords, security question answers, little picture thingys and everything else that goes along with the online life. Except this time. Oh, the familiar frustration. All the more frustrating in it's familiarity.

What's In a Name?

It took some work to find an appropriate name for the blog. I wanted to strike a balance between truth and humor, reality and hope. The Sane Asylum, Finding Level Ground, School and Home, and The Absurd Life were all taken. Futility Defeated, Sidestepping Sanity, Launching Logic and Sisyphus Redeemed (more on Sisyphus later) were all possibilities but lacked, hmmm, some sort of necessary inanity. Truth is, if there's no humor, there's no hope.

The New World Dictionary defines wit as mental faculties with respect to their state of balance, esp. in their normal condition of sanity. Huh? As a newly determined ADD woman who is working to home school her ADHD son, balance and sanity are always in view and always out of reach. I know what balance looks like. I don't know what it feels like and I certainly don't know how to choreograph it. Does sanity exist without balance? Not in my experience. The dictionary goes on to articulate 'at one's wits' end' - a point where one's mental resources are exhausted; at a loss as to what to do. Then there's 'to keep one's wits about one' which is to remain mentally alert. Okay, doing well on both of them simultaneously. I'm entirely alert to the fact that I am at a loss as to what to do. I am an ADD woman who is trying to help her ADHD son cope with his disorder. It is, in fact, a case of the blind leading the blind.

Therefore, Beyond Wits' End is a most appropriate name for this blog. The purpose of the blog is to have one place to keep account of our successes and failures, our goals and challenges of living, loving and learning within the confines of our disorders. The blog will replace the notebooks and bookmarks I've accumulated in my quest for knowledge about our disorders and centrally locate the sources of my research. I can construct the concepts into concrete collections of words that will help to define and direct my efforts into something useful.... Did I really say that? In other words, maybe I can gather my wits and make some sense of it all. If all else fails, it is a creative venture that I can call my own. And, it won't leave a pile of materials sitting in a corner if it becomes another undone project in my long list of undones. I'm chock full of ideas but out of words so I will close on this note: there is life beyond wits' end... Good night!