Can $3 equal instant gratification?

I have long observed that MY money burns a hole in David's pocket.

David wants a BMX bike that cost $350. What kid wouldn't, eh? But, really, $350!? I'm mystified by the seeming lack of obstruction to obtaining the bike raised in David's mind by the price tag on said bike.

Oh! and he wants an iPod. Me thinks that iPods require a data plan of some sort. I don't really know because I have a cell phone that is just a cell phone. The contract was paid in full a year ago. We did not upgrade and sign a new contract. Also, I have an Mp3 player that I bought from a company in China. Seriously, the confirmation email from the seller had Chinese characters in the subject line. It's a little 8G do-da that doesn't have a screen and doesn't have a menu and I paid about $40 for it. I don't know anything about iPods.

Except, that David wants one. And, a BMX. And, a laptop. And...

I have long struggled with the dilemma of allowance, chores and how to put it all together. These are the choices that I've come up with:

1. Give the kid what he wants, when he wants it. As long as he keeps his grades up and stays out of trouble, he gets what he wants. I can see the merit in this.
2. Give the kid an allowance because he needs to learn how to manage money and make him do chores because he is a part of the household. One is not tied to the other. I can see the merit in this, as well.
3. Make the kid earn every penny he gets and spends. More merit.

I have tried 1 and 2. Didn't work. With number 1, since he's homeschooled, the requirements are entirely subjective and entirely up to me. Just doesn't work the same as if he were in school and will ultimately end up being one more fight. With number 2, he got the money and didn't do the work. Yup, another fight. So, we're going to try number 3. Here's how it's going to work:

1. He is now responsible for every last thing that he wants. Every pack of gum, every quarter for those blasted gumball dispensers that you see at every blasted door of every blasted retail establishment that you ever walk into... (ok, I'm ok...) every music download, BMX, iPods, you name it. If it's not necessary for life or his education and he wants it, he buys it.
2. He will have an opportunity to earn money at home. Each job will have a price that I will pay and he will get paid immediately upon completion of the job. He can earn $3 for doing the dishes. He only needs to do this another 115 times and he'll have his BMX.
3. If he chooses not to take any jobs and earn any money, he will forever hold his peace if he wants something and doesn't have the money to buy it.
4. If he chooses not to take any jobs and Mom has to do it all, there will be consequences. I'm not sure what they will be but I am absolutely convinced that there is just not enough of me to go around these days and someone besides me just might have to suffer.

There are jobs that don't get paid. Things like picking up after himself, taking care of his clean and dirty clothes and mowing the yard so Dad doesn't have to do it after working 50 hours last week.

Harsh? Maybe.

Unloving? No.

David needs to learn to work. He needs to control his desire for instant gratification. Don't we all need to learn these things? The ADHD person will face even bigger challenges in these areas because of difficulties with impulsivity and self regulation. He can knock his head against those walls within the confines of his family. We love him, we support him and we will not let him down. And, because of that, we will not coddle him anymore.

That's true love.

That's better than a BMX.

I'll keep you posted and let you know if he actually lives through this.


Cheers,

leapinlily

What's In a Name?

It took some work to find an appropriate name for the blog. I wanted to strike a balance between truth and humor, reality and hope. The Sane Asylum, Finding Level Ground, School and Home, and The Absurd Life were all taken. Futility Defeated, Sidestepping Sanity, Launching Logic and Sisyphus Redeemed (more on Sisyphus later) were all possibilities but lacked, hmmm, some sort of necessary inanity. Truth is, if there's no humor, there's no hope.

The New World Dictionary defines wit as mental faculties with respect to their state of balance, esp. in their normal condition of sanity. Huh? As a newly determined ADD woman who is working to home school her ADHD son, balance and sanity are always in view and always out of reach. I know what balance looks like. I don't know what it feels like and I certainly don't know how to choreograph it. Does sanity exist without balance? Not in my experience. The dictionary goes on to articulate 'at one's wits' end' - a point where one's mental resources are exhausted; at a loss as to what to do. Then there's 'to keep one's wits about one' which is to remain mentally alert. Okay, doing well on both of them simultaneously. I'm entirely alert to the fact that I am at a loss as to what to do. I am an ADD woman who is trying to help her ADHD son cope with his disorder. It is, in fact, a case of the blind leading the blind.

Therefore, Beyond Wits' End is a most appropriate name for this blog. The purpose of the blog is to have one place to keep account of our successes and failures, our goals and challenges of living, loving and learning within the confines of our disorders. The blog will replace the notebooks and bookmarks I've accumulated in my quest for knowledge about our disorders and centrally locate the sources of my research. I can construct the concepts into concrete collections of words that will help to define and direct my efforts into something useful.... Did I really say that? In other words, maybe I can gather my wits and make some sense of it all. If all else fails, it is a creative venture that I can call my own. And, it won't leave a pile of materials sitting in a corner if it becomes another undone project in my long list of undones. I'm chock full of ideas but out of words so I will close on this note: there is life beyond wits' end... Good night!