This is a repost - Cabin Fever

In the past, I thought it was the snow. We've had very little snow. So, it's February. I'm wising up this year and I'm not gonna fight it. See you under the blanket...

http://beyondwitsend.blogspot.com/2010/02/cabin-fever.html

Project Get A Grip - the Plan

I am at the crossroads of familiar frustration. Again. Piles of clothes, piles of paper, piles of stuff. Piles of uncorrected school work, no plan for homeschool, no plan for meals, no plan for work. Piles in my brain.

noplanplentyofpilesyadayadayada!

Is this ADHD? Is it life in the 21st century? Is it just me???

There are two directions at this crossroad. One is throw my hands up and continue the present course, mired in frustration. The other is to plant my feet and get a grip.

So begins "Project Get A Grip". It's what I say when friends ask me how I'm doing.

"What ya doin' these days?"

"Oh, you know, just trying to get a grip."

Over and over and over, I hear myself saying those words. You know it's bad when one of those friends says, "So, what's your problem?" 

Ouch

I think life in the 21st century has a lot of people struggling to keep up. ADHD compounds those problems. I also think that it's real important to keep a balanced viewpoint about it all. I tell David that ADHD is a big deal. It's tough. Yet, there are much worse things that we could be dealing with on all sorts of levels. The proper perspective is a balancing act and I try to stay on the side of optimism. I keep trying because practice makes progress. If I lose my optimism, I'll lose everything and then I'll just have to punch myself in the face! Absurd, right?

I don't know where this will go. To be honest, I'm not starting at square one with this. I've been working on things, learning strategies, brainstorming and implementing all along. However, it still hasn't come together to meet my satisfaction. It's all about those dang piles! This project is about bringing all the strands together to create a lifeline. I'm not looking for perfection. I AM looking to not lose the dang keys all the time!

Anyway! The project will begin with this: The Master Pile

Cheers,

leapinlily

Too Fast, Too Much, Too Loud

Can I have my rubber room now?

Plays piano too fast. Eats food too fast. Uses too much ketchup, syrup, salt, Parmesan cheese, you name it. Bursts in the door talking at the top of his lungs without finding out what he might be interrupting. The excesses of ADHD. I can hear him gulping down everything he drinks, gasping for air in between gulps or chews or whatever else is going on in his mouth as he tries to breathe at the same time.

Sometimes I think I will go mad. He doesn't have a clue. The body is moving faster than the brain. The body is moving in one direction and the brain is going in the other.

Oprah talks about mindful living, identified as deliberate and thoughtful execution of whatever one may be doing. This admonition is not qualified by disorder or a lack thereof. She's speaking to people in general, not to ADHDers in particular. The ADHDer is equipped with a compromised executive function. The ADHD child can't even begin to wrap his head around mindful living. The ADHD executive function can be improved with medication but only to a point. Teaching mindful living to the ADHD child rests with the coach.

 
There are many types of coaches. There are football coaches, Olympic coaches, executive coaches, career coaches and the list goes on. An ADHD child will benefit from a life coach.

That would be me.

 
A fundamental difference between the other types of coaches and a parent coach is that the parent coach is coaching ALL! THE! TIME!! It doesn't end. The limits of my patience are tested from morning to night, sometimes in the middle of the night, day in and day out. In all of this, I must not lose sight of the limits of David's executive function. If I can keep that in mind - a disability perspective - then I can handle it.

But, I have more duties, responsibilities and, yes, desires, than teaching and coaching my son. I, too, have limits. Life in the 21st century is stretched to the limits. When it all becomes more than I can handle, I have found that honesty works. I don't try to be something that I can't be, like, uh, superhuman. There are times when my needs supersede his. I tell David what I need. I need quiet, I need a moment, I need a room with a closed door. If I can tell him what I need without exasperation, irritation and annoyance or the big whammo, anger, it's as good as it gets. I don't wig out. He learns consideration for other people.

Win-win.

BUT! If all else fails and there HAS to be a loser, let it be the Barbies!

Best regards,

leapinlily

Wordless Wednesday

ADDclasses.com

Some time ago, I stumbled onto this website and found it to be immensely helpful in our continuing quest to treat and manage ADHD. ADDClasses.com offers virtual support and continuing education in the field of Attention Deficit Disorder. The teleseminars are free for a period of time (registration is required) and also for a period of time, you can download the mp3 recordings of the seminar for a nominal fee. Not only can I store it on my computer for future reference, but I can burn a CD so that my husband can use his workday commute to keep up with the information and direction that David and I are trying to incorporate in our homeschool and our daily lives. A huge thumbs up for this one!

I recently listened to a teleseminar hosted by ADDClasses.com and the guest speaker was Laurie Dupar of Coaching for ADHD. Her topic was "The Top Three 

ADD/ADHD Medication Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them." Not only did she offer a wealth of information about medications, she also offered a couple of tools to the seminar participants. One is a list of key questions to ask the prescribing doctor for ADD/ADHD medications. The other is a medication log to assess the effectiveness of a change in medication. Since we are in a medication evaluation mode right now, these tools will be invaluable!

I thought I would pass this along. Hope you find it helpful :)


Cheers,

leapinlily

Tables, desks and other concerns

I love my kitchen table. The table began its service for us as a new Canadel table with a beautiful, polished wood finish. The salesman promised that it would stand up to the rigors of family life with the same capacity as laminate. I believed him. He was wrong. The table now has water marks, marker marks, scratches, and funny little holes that look like stabs of a pencil. Pencil stabbed many, many times... 

My kitchen table is the workhorse in this house. We have an open concept floor plan with the kitchen, dining and living room areas being one big room. Of all the furniture and surfaces in this big room, the table is used more than the kitchen counters, more than the sofa, more than the easy chair and certainly more than the stove and sink. It is the center of our home school. It is where the bills get paid, the pictures get processed, the family pow-wows are conducted and disputes settled.

Did I mention family dinners? No?! Imagine that!

As such, I hate my kitchen table. I really do. I have officially declared it a thorn in my flesh. My kitchen table is a disorganized pile of papers, books, pens, pencils, calculators, cameras, tape measures, CDs, dirty dishes, remotes, cell phones AND cordless handsets (and, let me tell you, they all look alike), boxes of crackers and bags of chips. Everything except my keys, which I can NEVER find! If Peter Walsh came in my house, he would zero in on my kitchen table and ask me those pointed, emotional, get to the heart of it type of questions that he is so darn good at! I can hear him now, in that charming Aussie accent:

“Now, leapinlily, does this table enhance and advance the vision you have for the life you want or does it impede it?”

“Mr. Walsh, there is no table in this room. What you're seeing is my desk and I'm hungry. Who can eat, eh, mate!?"

I recently watched a PBS biography of Mark Twain. It was a fascinating story set in a time far removed from the busy, loud, wired times in which we now live. During his married life in the mid to late 1800's, Mr. Twain lived in a large, Victorian style house full of character and genteelism. One particular sepia toned still of a table with four large wicker chairs sitting around it remains lodged in my mind. A square table cloth graced the round table, the corners of the cloth nearly touching the floor. The table had a bouquet of flowers set in the middle, goblets for water and tall, slender glasses for iced tea. Imagine that!

And, while I couldn't see the dishes themselves, as a former antique dealer, I could visualize a charming set of antique porcelain china gracing that table. The kind of dishes that weren't made for dishwashers or meals on the run. I've loved them and sold them but, never once did we eat from them.

So, I would tell Mr. Walsh that my vision for my life may only get as far as keeping up with all the activity that happens on my kitchen table. But, once in a while, just for grins, I'll get a big Rubbermaid tote and clear my busy, loud and wired life from my table and create a lovely table set with flowers and linen, goblets and my best Corelle Ware. We'll sit down as a family and eat a meal. Imagine that!

Cheers!

leapinlily

PS - this is the last post about my kitchen table, I promise!

Can $3 equal instant gratification?

I have long observed that MY money burns a hole in David's pocket.

David wants a BMX bike that cost $350. What kid wouldn't, eh? But, really, $350!? I'm mystified by the seeming lack of obstruction to obtaining the bike raised in David's mind by the price tag on said bike.

Oh! and he wants an iPod. Me thinks that iPods require a data plan of some sort. I don't really know because I have a cell phone that is just a cell phone. The contract was paid in full a year ago. We did not upgrade and sign a new contract. Also, I have an Mp3 player that I bought from a company in China. Seriously, the confirmation email from the seller had Chinese characters in the subject line. It's a little 8G do-da that doesn't have a screen and doesn't have a menu and I paid about $40 for it. I don't know anything about iPods.

Except, that David wants one. And, a BMX. And, a laptop. And...

I have long struggled with the dilemma of allowance, chores and how to put it all together. These are the choices that I've come up with:

1. Give the kid what he wants, when he wants it. As long as he keeps his grades up and stays out of trouble, he gets what he wants. I can see the merit in this.
2. Give the kid an allowance because he needs to learn how to manage money and make him do chores because he is a part of the household. One is not tied to the other. I can see the merit in this, as well.
3. Make the kid earn every penny he gets and spends. More merit.

I have tried 1 and 2. Didn't work. With number 1, since he's homeschooled, the requirements are entirely subjective and entirely up to me. Just doesn't work the same as if he were in school and will ultimately end up being one more fight. With number 2, he got the money and didn't do the work. Yup, another fight. So, we're going to try number 3. Here's how it's going to work:

1. He is now responsible for every last thing that he wants. Every pack of gum, every quarter for those blasted gumball dispensers that you see at every blasted door of every blasted retail establishment that you ever walk into... (ok, I'm ok...) every music download, BMX, iPods, you name it. If it's not necessary for life or his education and he wants it, he buys it.
2. He will have an opportunity to earn money at home. Each job will have a price that I will pay and he will get paid immediately upon completion of the job. He can earn $3 for doing the dishes. He only needs to do this another 115 times and he'll have his BMX.
3. If he chooses not to take any jobs and earn any money, he will forever hold his peace if he wants something and doesn't have the money to buy it.
4. If he chooses not to take any jobs and Mom has to do it all, there will be consequences. I'm not sure what they will be but I am absolutely convinced that there is just not enough of me to go around these days and someone besides me just might have to suffer.

There are jobs that don't get paid. Things like picking up after himself, taking care of his clean and dirty clothes and mowing the yard so Dad doesn't have to do it after working 50 hours last week.

Harsh? Maybe.

Unloving? No.

David needs to learn to work. He needs to control his desire for instant gratification. Don't we all need to learn these things? The ADHD person will face even bigger challenges in these areas because of difficulties with impulsivity and self regulation. He can knock his head against those walls within the confines of his family. We love him, we support him and we will not let him down. And, because of that, we will not coddle him anymore.

That's true love.

That's better than a BMX.

I'll keep you posted and let you know if he actually lives through this.


Cheers,

leapinlily

Experience vs. Knowledge

NPR recently published an article that was originally published in The Lancet journal on the topic of ADHD and diet entitled Study: Diet May Help ADHD Kids More Than Drugs. The study suggests that kids with ADHD could experience a significant reduction in symptoms with a very restrictive diet. Have we heard this before? Yes, we have.

The link to the article itself is posted below. I have no particular comments on it except that our personal experience leads me to believe that diet can greatly exacerbate the symptoms of ADHD but is not the cause of the disorder. Our experience says that, for us, the elimination of artificial colors (food dyes are petroleum byproducts), nitrates, soda, sugar and MSG makes a big difference in David's hyperactivity and focus. Could a diet entirely free of additives and chemicals cure David of ADHD? Maybe? We have not done a complete elimination diet, although I've wanted to for several years now. Maybe, it's time. Just to know... for sure...

What is most interesting about this article are the comments. I read almost all 238 of them. Like forums, I find the comments sections of these types of articles much more beneficial than the opinions and findings of the experts that the article is about. The expert could be viewed as a general but the people who are commenting are the front lines. When I have to choose between the expertise of one person over the collective experience of several hundred people who are living the question, I'll take the experience every time.

Just a thought. Here's the link:

Study:Diet May Help ADHD Kids More Than Drugs

The comments are fascinating!

Cheers,

leapinlily

Training the New Cook!

I am a don't wannabe cook. I don't even care that much about eating, although the size of my jeans would belie that comment. If someone would cook all the food that could be eaten in this family, I would gladly do the dishes. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT!? I already do the dishes. Hmmmm....

So, David likes to bake. We found this recipe on another blog and David made it this morning.

After all the mixing, it needs to be rolled out. David really likes using the rolling pin and this is much easier than pizza crust.

(ahem, I did not see "the" kitchen table in the background... I have officially declared it the thorn in my flesh...)